Looking after yourself, looking after your children

There is a lot of uncertainty around the current COVID-19 outbreak, particularly given that the situation is constantly developing and the information about the virus remains incomplete.

Understandably, this is causing a lot of worry and anxiety for people.  Having children and young people at home, often when people are trying to work themselves, adds another layer of stress.  It is therefore important to not only consider our physical health during such challenging times, but also to pay attention to our mental health.  It is normal to feel worried, stressed and anxious when we are faced with uncertain situations, but the sooner we acknowledge and learn to take care of our mental health, the healthier and better equipped we’ll be to cope with the situation we're having to face.

Looking after your children

For the most part, children will need what they’ve always needed; love, attention and opportunities to learn and play.  If children are home for long periods because of social-distancing or self-isolation, the following tips might be helpful:

Try and keep to a structure and routine that suits you.  Keep bedtime and morning routines close to existing ones to promote a sense of normality that children will find reassuring. Encouraging them to get up and dressed during the week will help maintain some difference between weekdays and weekends.  

Keep boundaries firm and make it clear that you expect the same standards of behaviour as usual.  Boundaries show that adults are still in control and taking care of them, which helps children to feel safe.

Make sure they get some time to burn off energy every day.  Younger children will enjoy assault courses, discos etc.  Older children and teens might respond better to fitness videos.

Expect children to do some learning every day.  In the longer-term schools are likely to provide opportunities for online learning.  In the short term, or as extra activities there are a wealth of helpful websites, many of which they will be able to access independently.  Continuing with their learning helps promote a sense of normality and purpose as well as keeping them up to date for when they are back at school.

Find opportunities for them to interact with their friends remotely.  For tweens and teens, contact with their peers is especially important.  Technology provides lots of opportunities for older children to connect, chat and game together.  But be wary of giving unsupervised access to platforms that you would not normally allow your child onto; the internet still poses the same risks as in normal times.

Balance screen time with other activities.  Challenge children to learn new skills that don’t involve screens e.g. tying shoe laces, juggling, baking.  Older children might want to set their own goals.

Give children opportunities to have a say in what will be happening.  They may have had a lot of their freedoms and choices removed for a while and may feel powerless or angry.  Older children and teenagers will be more able to understand the risks in too much screen time, too little sleep, inactivity etc.  They are more likely to ‘buy in’ to new rules and routines if they feel that they have a voice.  Family meetings where children and adults problem-solve together can be helpful for this.

There are some example timetables on the next page. These are just shared as a guide but may be helpful in terms of thinking about how to maintain some structure and routine throughout days at home. Remember to intersperse activities with breaks, and don’t forget healthy snacks and drinks!

The last pages in this pack have links to websites with helpful ideas and activities covering a range of topics.

Talking to children about Coronavirus (COVID-19)

Although it’s tempting to try and protect children from difficult topics, they are more likely to worry when they’re kept in the dark.  Children and teenagers will be aware of what is happening but may not have all the facts they need to understand it. 

These tips will help you communicate about Coronavirus with your child:

· Take time to talk and listen.  Be clear that you are happy to answer any questions that they have.  Be led by your child as they may not be that interested or want to know everything all at once.  Try to answer any questions honestly but keep things in context e.g. “Sadly, some people do die, but the vast majority of people will recover, and children seem to be only mildly affected”.

 Reassure them that their own risk is very low but that we all need to ‘do our bit’ to look after people who might be very unwell. Underline how helpful they are being by following the rules about hygiene and social-distancing.  Knowing we’re being altruistic helps us to bear the tough times.

Give positive messages about everything you are doing as a family to keep yourselves safe.  Talk about all the work people around the world are doing to find treatments and a vaccine.  

Keep explanations developmentally appropriate. 

o   Young children up to about age seven will need very simple explanations that relate to their own experiences.  Explain that, like other germs, Coronavirus can spread between people and make them ill.  But because Coronavirus is a new germ that we don’t know everything about, we need to take more care and so things might be a bit different for a while.

o   Older children and tweens will want to know more.  They may have heard partial explanations and ‘filled in the gaps’ themselves with their own ideas, so check what they already think they know about it.

o   Teenagers will have a similar capacity to understand what’s going on as adults.  They will need calm, factual information and opportunities to talk through their worries and disappointments.

Give them an opportunity to talk about their feelings.  Our instinct might be to ‘make it all better’, but it is normal to feel scared, sad and angry in the face of what’s happening.  Tell them that what is happening is not normal but that their feelings are.